At times like this I realise that the reason why I need to remove the Pretty and Perfect Mask I tend to wear isn’t just to “live authentically” blah, blah, blah, but because if I don’t the chances of me causing pain and sorrow to oppressed communities is HIGH whilst the chances of me even realising my toxicity and potential for destruction VERY LOW.
This is why doing the work is key if I ever wish to become a better ancestor, to be a better example, to truly change the world. Because in all honesty, I can do events, talks and e-books and still cause harm, and still hurt others, and still oppress the same communities I say I’m committed to empowering
So, here are my three lesson learned after this day packed with pain, shame and realisation:
I don’t get to ask for help, I don’t get to be the victim: Yes, we MUST learn, we MUST grow, we MUST do better, but unless we’re willing to pay abundantly to those offering the resources we need AND then doing the work we must to grow, we should NEVER just ask for help. That is entitled, fake and self-centred, and does NOTHING to repair the harm we caused.
Only by showing up authentically, we stop doing harm: The more we maintain the Good Girl façade, that fake veneer of perfection, the least we realise that our self-righteous anger is an excuse to make ourselves the centre of events in which, most of the times WE are the ones causing harm, oppressing and disrespecting others, instead of realising that there’s still work to get done daily.
Those oppressed can still oppress: Flaunting my Latina card should had tipped me off about this, clearly. Unfortunately, I was too busy causing harm to get it. Being part of an oppressed group doesn’t make you immune to causing harm unto others, to oppressing others, to distressing spaces NOT made for you. Just like reverse racism is poppycock, so it is to believe that not enjoying white privilege makes you somehow perfect. This I learned today.
As I continue doing the work, and clearly there’s a lot that needs addressing still, I hope to remain accountable and humble, honest and authentic, open to growth, open to being called off, open to saying I’m sorry and then changing.
This journey, with all its gains and loses, needs to continue and, as it does, I hope to learn new lessons without causing as much pain as I did today. One can only hope for the better in the end.