Three Lessons learned from Fu<£ing up... and causing pain through it

 

Between yesterday and today I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. And through this, I caused pain and distress to at least two women who did not deserve so at all.

In online spaces, we can still cause enormous pain when we continually act from our egos.

In online spaces, we can still cause enormous pain when we continually act from our egos.

I entered the space of a Black woman on instagram in one of her posts and, with one ignorant comment, I wrecked havoc and started a process that fully transform my day and possibly my life forever.

As I was called out by another black woman around my self-indulgent comment, I lashed out and from there started what became a two days tug-of-war between my ego and my commitment to becoming a better ancestor, whilst continuing to release poison and toxicity in a space that wasn’t even about me, and in that process I caused distress and pain to these two women who, from the get go, were just pushing me to check my privilege, do the work and respect them and their spaces, instead of just saying I would.

The more I got triggered by their requests, the more I slipped into it, causing more harm, becoming more and more the person whom I often judged and criticised: An entitled privileged toxic woman. It took me a night of little sleep to face my discomfort, and instead of justify the $h&tiness of it, to realised the whole deal, to own the fact that I brought that to THEM. It was ME the one in the wrong. It was ME the one invading THEIR space, causing THEM harm, gaslighting THEM, and denying MY responsibility and ignorance through it all.

Then today, as I blocked one of the commentators who righteously called me out on my BS out of fragility and then went with grandiose pomp to the original author about paying reparations, even though I wasn’t even truly owning my mistakes, I finally realised how I was behaving and decided to NOT do that again, NOT to continue that behaviour, and instead to really show up and do my work.

We can’t bring light to the world when we’re faking in life and living in inner darkness.

We can’t bring light to the world when we’re faking in life and living in inner darkness.

To be perfectly honest, I have been feeling a lot of shame about this today. I have felt small, useless, fake. I have been reminded of my own shortcomings, my privilege and how easy it is to centre life around me because of it. But that’s the thing, right? It’s easy for ME to do that. To become the victim, instead of realising that this discomfort I felt for being told off for my pathetic behaviour is NOTHING compared to the pain and distress I caused them.

See, that’s what I suddenly realised:

Standing in that discomfort is the price we ought to pay when we invade spaces created by Black People and People of Colour for themselves. This is what I deserved for coming in and bringing nothing but toxicity and ignorance.

Thus, I decided that instead of dragging yet another Black woman into this, asking for free education and salvation from a performative position, I needed to own it. The pain. The shame. The crappiness of my actions… and then I went back to the “blocked commentator” and apologised truly. With no buts, no excuses, because the reality is that my behaviour was awful. Period. There was no justifying it. And she deserved better. So I did.

As we got to talk, I realised that I was lucky for her. I didn’t deserve her support or help at all. And I was lucky for it. She didn’t owe me anything at all, yet she pushed me to grow, and for that I was lucky.

Personal growth will never stop if you truly hope to be a better ancestor and human. We still have much to unlearn.

Personal growth will never stop if you truly hope to be a better ancestor and human. We still have much to unlearn.

At times like this I realise that the reason why I need to remove the Pretty and Perfect Mask I tend to wear isn’t just to “live authentically” blah, blah, blah, but because if I don’t the chances of me causing pain and sorrow to oppressed communities is HIGH whilst the chances of me even realising my toxicity and potential for destruction VERY LOW.

This is why doing the work is key if I ever wish to become a better ancestor, to be a better example, to truly change the world. Because in all honesty, I can do events, talks and e-books and still cause harm, and still hurt others, and still oppress the same communities I say I’m committed to empowering

So, here are my three lesson learned after this day packed with pain, shame and realisation:

  1. I don’t get to ask for help, I don’t get to be the victim: Yes, we MUST learn, we MUST grow, we MUST do better, but unless we’re willing to pay abundantly to those offering the resources we need AND then doing the work we must to grow, we should NEVER just ask for help. That is entitled, fake and self-centred, and does NOTHING to repair the harm we caused.

  2. Only by showing up authentically, we stop doing harm: The more we maintain the Good Girl façade, that fake veneer of perfection, the least we realise that our self-righteous anger is an excuse to make ourselves the centre of events in which, most of the times WE are the ones causing harm, oppressing and disrespecting others, instead of realising that there’s still work to get done daily.

  3. Those oppressed can still oppress: Flaunting my Latina card should had tipped me off about this, clearly. Unfortunately, I was too busy causing harm to get it. Being part of an oppressed group doesn’t make you immune to causing harm unto others, to oppressing others, to distressing spaces NOT made for you. Just like reverse racism is poppycock, so it is to believe that not enjoying white privilege makes you somehow perfect. This I learned today.

As I continue doing the work, and clearly there’s a lot that needs addressing still, I hope to remain accountable and humble, honest and authentic, open to growth, open to being called off, open to saying I’m sorry and then changing.

This journey, with all its gains and loses, needs to continue and, as it does, I hope to learn new lessons without causing as much pain as I did today. One can only hope for the better in the end.

 

Five Lessons learned from being scammed Online

 
After a massive breech in my Online Trust, I’ve been healing and learning loads about myself.

After a massive breech in my Online Trust, I’ve been healing and learning loads about myself.

A few days ago, I opened up on an Instagram Live about something that up until then had filled me with loads of shame and anger (which I turned into an IGTV Video and you can watch it here). It was very scary to even talk about it, even when I have been feeling like a fool and a bad entrepreneur ever since it happened, yet I couldn’t NOT talk about it, as I kept feeling more and more that the silence was crushing me worst than the shame.

The story I shared was that I had been a victim of an “Online Marketeer” scammer called Tabitha Paganelli, who after promising support, help and tricks to help me grow my online business, ended up stealing 900USD of my hard-earned money in one whooping transaction. (Also, beware of her business the Build and Grow Collective as she continues scamming people, sadly).

This whole thing started with us becoming friends on Facebook. Last year, as I realised that I wanted to shift a big part of my business online, I had started to become more and more and more active on the online world, joining different communities of (what I thought were) like-minded female entrepreneurs for support, promotions, etc. If you’re an online entrepreneur, you know what I’m talking about… and if you’re not, it’s basically a way to network online and Facebook Groups are HUGE at it.

Long story short, in the last 3-6 months she started popping up more and more on my timeline. I would read her updates and comments and would sympathise and relate at times, which as you might know is sort of how we connect with strangers in this new age of social media. At one point, I remember her asking for support to get her weight under control and that time I commented reaching out.

In the passing weeks, her posts changed. She started to share more about her journey as a successful online coach, how she has gain full financial freedom and was living her best life. It was ALL I wanted to create for myself and, in my naïve and overwhelmed state, I bought in. First simply commenting on posts and liking. Later by reaching out to her, particularly about her support with Pinterest, a platform I’ve been wanting to get on forever but still haven’t figured out; and eventually hiring her to be my coach on a program where she guaranteed to get you making 20,000USD in 90 days or refunding you the whole investment. 

As soon as I started speaking up on her pages she decided to start attacking me, shaming me and threatening me. Then she blocked me, obviously, yet the money NEVER came back!

As soon as I started speaking up on her pages she decided to start attacking me, shaming me and threatening me. Then she blocked me, obviously, yet the money NEVER came back!

Too good to be true? Well… it was. 

I paid her and then within a week or so she was gone. First, she would blow me off whenever I tried to connect on Zoom, the time zone lies worked perfectly for it as I live on the other side of the world; later she unfriended me and eventually blocked me. Then, as I posted a review of her business mentioning the fact that I hadn’t received the services I paid, she attacked me on a post and promised a refund that never came. That’s when the penny dropped, and I realised this was a scam.

Don’t let the soft smile and sweet face trick you, this woman isn’t to trust!

Don’t let the soft smile and sweet face trick you, this woman isn’t to trust!

You see, Tabitha has that girl-next-door look, little silver cross wearing and all. She is baby faced, sweet looking, blond and white. How could SHE do this to ME? The shame came in and it came in FAST and I started questioning the whole ordeal.

“Will she attack me if I post again?”

“Will she make fun of me?”

“Will anyone believe me over her?”

“Does she have any information that she can use to mess with my accounts?”

“Can she hack my profiles?”

“Was I that stupid?”

“What will happen to this next?”

Then the reprimands entered my mind and I was sinking into a full-blown shame storm.

“Of course no one will believe me. Who am I to say anything in public?”

“This happened for wanting to make more money”

“I should have seen it coming, I mean, no one believes people online anymore!”

To be perfectly honest, this was truly consuming my energy, which is why by the second day with little to no sleep due to the nightmares around this, plus the stress of life, kids and work without my amazing nanny around and the whole Venezuelan crisis, I decided to come clean and see if that would help me at all with the feeling storm… and I can honestly say, that was the catalyser.

I felt silly talking. If you follow me on any of my social media channels, you know shyness isn’t my thing, yet this time I felt VERY uncomfortable. Yet I pushed through. In the end, after the whole “confession” I was feeling lighter. I still didn’t know, however, that the true healing was yet to come.

… and then simple searches showed that I wasn’t the only one who was scammed by her!

… and then simple searches showed that I wasn’t the only one who was scammed by her!

Messages of support started to flood my inboxes. From friends offering me to gang up against Tabitha, to other people telling me their own scamming and shame stories. It was unbelievable. It was honest. It was healing… and then came what I so needed. A couple of powerful women in my life helping me process this, the pain, the shame, the odd feeling that was choking me, yet I couldn’t understand. Suddenly, I wasn’t judging me for doing wrong, I was loving me as I was wronged. I let go and compassion came in.

The always wise Layla F. Saad, who I’m lucky to call my friend, walked me through this and helped me go back into wholeness. She allowed me to express my pain and reminded me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but instead someone had done me wrong. She helped me get the tools I needed to move on from this, not from shame and heaviness, like the one walking home ashamed and feeling dirty the morning after; but from power and honour, like the one who walks confident and full of pleasure back home, knowing herself in charge of life and her choices. This is what I needed.

And so, after processing, journaling, going back and forth and honouring my stories and choices around this, I want to share the lessons I learned from being scammed by Tabitha Paganelli and how will this affect my life moving forward:

1)   Trust needs collateral – At least online: I know there are countless of amazing Online Coaches in the world willing to offer people services and products from a place of authenticity and honesty. Heck, I’m among that crowd after all! But there are also scammers. So, in the future I’ll ask for real referrals, if possible, from people I know and with conversations with them included.

2)   One rotten apple is just that: When I realised Tabitha had scammed me and dared to face my CFO (aka Mr.B) about it, I said: “Don’t worry. This won’t happen again because I’m never trusting anyone again online”. He looked at me and said: “Babe, that’s not real nor ideal” and he is right. As I work on growing my business and expanding my reach, I will trust again, I will hire people and I know that her behaviour won’t be the bar I use to measure them. She is an anomaly, not the norm.

3)   The victim never “has it coming”: I don’t think this one requires much explanation, but just in case, this is a universal truth. Regardless of the situation, victim shaming is NEVER helpful. Yes, I could have not hired her, I could have not trust her, I could be asked to stop giving people online money as if it was my fault, but the truth is that SHE wronged me. I was wronged not wrong. This lesson works for ANY victim, by the way, and we never need to learn to spot perpetrators, instead we need compassion.

4)   Check your stories –Race and worth included: As I started talking to Layla and truly walking myself through the emotions that I was struggling to digest, I realised that one of the biggest fears I had about speaking up was precisely around being attacked as a woman of colour if I tried to expose Tabitha, who is a white woman. I felt my story, my “version” wasn’t valid because I was in disadvantage. In fact, I thought at some point “who would believe a Latina over her?”. Checking our internalised racism and biases helps us make sense of the emotions so we can heal them. Once I unmask this, I could validate myself and move on stronger.

5)   Showing up is the antidote: Had I not decided to speak up, I would still be feeling used, abused and ashamed. I would still be struggling with all of these emotions in full isolation. It was when I showed up fully, ashamed, stressed, saddened and vulnerable that I allowed the wound to dry and start healing. Shame, as mould, grows better in darkness.

Now that a big part of the storm has passed, and considering the bunch of things happening daily in the world, I can say that whilst I don’t wish this on anyone nor want to relive it, I can appreciate the lessons that I have managed to grasp through it. This allowed me to see so much of myself and my own wounds, not to mention that it made me even more furiously committed to being the best coach, mentor, writer and speaker I can, to serve from a place of wholeness and abundance, not because I need to but because I choose excellence above it all.

I will show up again, I will grow, I will succeed and I will help other women do the same. I will be a better ancestor through this because it is my purpose and my mission.

I will show up again, I will grow, I will succeed and I will help other women do the same. I will be a better ancestor through this because it is my purpose and my mission.

Experiencing this gave me insight about the emotions of those vulnerable to abuse, it reminded me of my many privileges and blessings and, above it all, it showed me how much the world needs honesty and vulnerability and how healing it is when we connect to others from there.

How about you? Have you gone through a situation that made you reframe yourself and life through victimhood?

 

Centring life in our Happy

 

In a world packed with to-do’s, where we are constantly hustling for self-worth by doing things for others, always saying yes to requests, and continuing to stretch ourselves thinner, as a failed way to “realised our potential”, most of us end up depleted, resentful and exhausted at the end of each day. The truth is that taking care of ourselves, our needs and wants, and centring our lives into us is a big job that we’re rarely willing to take on.

Many of us feels stretched out and cornered constantly

Many of us feels stretched out and cornered constantly

Plus, let’s face it, unlike previous generations, us Millennial Mothers have a whole different landscape that the one our mothers (and theirs) face each day. In a couple of generations, we went from a connected and community oriented society, where support systems were familiar, to a Brave New World where we’re worrying about the effect of social media on their mental health, whilst struggling generalised anxiety (that could affect even the youngest in the family), as well as a need to rock our working life, have a meaningful side-hustle, raise amazing humans, support our partners and communities, maintain a perfect diet and look hot and put together whilst at it!

No wonder most of us these days are feeling drained, purposeless and dealing with mental health issues! We work long hours and take on extras. We strive to be good friends and relatives to anyone around us. We want to do perfect for the environment and the community, and, as we continue to hustle to find validation of our worth, we feel more stressed, tired and taxied by it all.

As we commit ourselves to a performative reality where we work hard and we look after other people, their expectations of us and what we believe society at large demands from modern women, our nourishment it’s easily pushed down the priority list, until it’s not even on the same piece of paper.

The reality is that to do all of what we wish we could and to be able to be the best us that we can be in the process, centring our lives in our happy is the only way forward. In fact, the busiest we feel, the more stressed out we are, and the longer the to-do’s, the strongest that commitment to our Self-Care and Nourishment has to be. We can only take more from us when we have filled ourselves with more to begin.

You can’t light others’ light until yours is shinning brightly!

You can’t light others’ light until yours is shinning brightly!

Taking care of our physical, emotional and mental health is essential to finding ways to tackle the stresses and demands in life with resiliency and courage. Committing to doing things that make you smile, bring you pleasure and joy every day can help you to feel more confident and energetic as you tick items off your pending list. Plus, as you continue making your happiness a priority in life, you gain a sense of safety that can ultimately help you fight off depression, as well as physical health problems.

Are centring your happy in life these days? Are you prioritising your needs, wants and dreams daily? Or are you conditioning them to when you have hustle enough to feel deserving of them? If it’s something that you struggle with, here are some of the things that you can do to take care of your happy.

Find the Issue so you can Address the Issue

Whether you’re feeling full on unhappy, a little meh or feel you might be struggling with something a bit deeper, finding the root of it is key to figuring out a way out. In some cases, we might need help with behavioural health or with a physical condition that needs extra support, in which case, finding the help we need can be key to overcoming the issue at hand. You can always start from a place of curiosity by asking yourself:

  • Where is this coming from?

  • Am I happy or satisfied with my work?

  • Are your relationships bringing you joy or pain?

  • Is there something in your life that’s causing you unhappiness or anxiety?

  • What changes can be made to bring you some joy?

  • Is there a particular problem in your life that needs to be address altogether?

Take some time to reflect on what’s happening in your life

Take some time to reflect on what’s happening in your life

Invest in your Happy Daily

If you, like me and many other busy mothers out there, finish your days and realise that you haven’t had five minutes to yourself, or that you can’t even remember what was one thing you did just for the pleasure of it, you need to commit to making you the centre of your life. The truth is that it can all start with five minutes, that’s all, and then build up to a life curated around your optimal wellness.

A great place to start is adding your Self-Care to your to-do list if you need to. Schedule in a bath, an early night with a book, some journaling time, or a date with your bestie. Start booking 10-minute coffee breaks around your day and slow down enjoy to enjoy these treats. Make sure you take at least a few minutes every single day to do something for yourself, even if you just spend it sitting quietly and breathing deeply.

Ditch Balance and seek Harmony
There’s a myth out there that says that in order for us to feel happier with all the pressure of life, we must seek work-life balance. The truth is, my darling, that this is flagged. We’re not half workers - half living. We’re full on creature living and part of that life has a career in it. So, as you’re doing your work towards centring your life in you and yourself, remember that the goal is to create a beautiful life worth living and then adding your work, career or business, not the other way around.

Leave Balance to Yoga poses and look for Harmony instead!

Leave Balance to Yoga poses and look for Harmony instead!

This means that, as you work on achieving your professional goals, your personal ones can’t be left in the sidelines but also pursued and celebrated. Commit to being effective with how you invest your resources (including your time) in order to have harmony between the work you do and the life you live. Set boundaries to protect your nourishment and Self-Care because in the end, even if you could be doing more, you don’t always have to. Creating harmony in your life will help you experience it from a happiest and more empowered perspective.

As always, remember that you don’t have to do it all alone. Seek the help you deserve and, if you’re ready to make you the priority, let’s see if I could be the ideal supporter for your journey!

 

5 Tips when Tackling New Year Depression

According to several studies, February is one of the worst months of year for feeling depressed. To start, by mid-January many have chugged their resolutions in the bin and the New-Year-Shine has worn off, so that can make many of us feel like aimlessly living instead of thriving. Plus, after the high steaks of January, as soon as we enter February, we feel the pressure of Valentine’s Day lurking in the background, making anyone who isn’t feeling particularly connected painfully aware of his/her reality.

Perhaps, in your case you know you have a difficult year ahead or you’re in a situation you don’t want to be in, whether at home, work or romantically. Whatever the cause of this feelings of depression, the following tips could help you tackle it and moving unto creating a beautiful 2019 for you.

 
Feeling isolated and low? Here are some great tips to help you!

Feeling isolated and low? Here are some great tips to help you!

 

Let go of Control

There are many things that are not within our control. It can be frustrating when we want to change things that are not controllable, but that doesn’t mean those things define us. Depression is a condition that can make someone fixate his/her focus on the negative aspect of life, making it hard to shift focus to the positive. If something is out of your control, let it go and try and focus on things you can control. Sit down and write a list of things you want to achieve. It’s a good way to refocus your mind and focus on something positive.

Your Environment Matters

They say if you spend enough time in a hairdresser’s you’re bound to get a haircut sooner or later. The people you spend your time with will have a direct effect on your mental health. So, when choosing who to spend your precious time with, make sure you are choosing people who will add to your life and sense of wellbeing, instead of sucking the joy out of your days.. If you don’t have any positive influences, you could attend mental health groups or even a teen treatment center to get the help you need. There will be times when you need people to give you a boost, so having the right people around is important.

 
Dare to invest in finding a community that can support and inspire you along your journey!

Dare to invest in finding a community that can support and inspire you along your journey!

 

Ask for Help

Depression can be a debilitating condition and lots of people suffer alone. You don’t have to hide your depression and there is help out there when you need it. Some people feel like asking for help makes them a failure, but the exact opposite is true. You need courage to ask for help which makes you stronger than you believe. Depression is something you should never have to go through alone, so always be sure to seek out help when you feel at your lowest.

Be Kind

Being kind to yourself is important when you’re dealing with depression. It’s a battle that needs to be taken one day at a time, so don’t be too hard on yourself when you struggle. You can use positive affirmations to build yourself up when you need a lift. Just looking in the mirror and reminding yourself that you are strong and you can handle whatever the days throws at you could boost your confidence immensely.

 
Bring Self-Love into your life regardless, depression isn’t anything to be ashamed of and you’re ALWAYS worthy of love and connection!

Bring Self-Love into your life regardless, depression isn’t anything to be ashamed of and you’re ALWAYS worthy of love and connection!

 

Treatment Methods

If your depression worsens, you could benefit from a range of different treatment methods available to people with mental health issues. Contact your healthcare provider for information on what’s available to you in your area and to get assessed on the best treatment for your condition. If you’re finding daily tasks too difficult, it’s time to see a medical professional.

Dealing with Anxiety, Medication and Beyond

 

Anxiety seems to be a global epidemic these days in a world full of to-do’s and deadlines, so much so that we’re only just starting to realise how many people have been affected. From meditation to medication, there is a wide range of treatments for those struggling with any degree of it, and, since everybody is different, in the end each individual needs to approach it his/her your own way.

For some, for which the best alternative is heading to a doctor to look for options, some type pharmaceutical treatment would be the best approach to handling anxiety, and although there is clear evidence that certain medications have a positive effect on people, we also know that it doesn’t always get to the root cause of the issue that triggered the Anxiety in the first place. Not to mention that some are not keen on the idea of taking medication that alters their medical state as well as cause side effects.

As someone who dealt with chronic depression and dependent on antidepressants at some point of my own healing journey, I can understand anyone who is wary about becoming reliant on medication to feel calm and happy, as much as I can understand anyone who wants to try it to get back to calm and happy. This isn't a one-size-fits-all thing.

Anxiety might make you feel isolated and lost, don’t despair!

Anxiety might make you feel isolated and lost, don’t despair!

Nonetheless, if you’re among those wanting to tackle anxiety on a more natural path, don’t like the idea of medication, or are not ready for it yet, here are some helpful alternatives that can support you back to greatness:

Movement and Exercise

It’s no secret that exercise is good for our health. Not only are we hardwired for movement in many different ways and biologically crave it, but it also keeps our heart in good shape and can help us maintain our muscle mass, protecting our bones.

Exercise is also one of the best ways to manage mental health problems. Most doctors agree that it can be one of the best things we can do if you’re struggling from anxiety. To start, it gives us a natural endorphin boost that improves our overall mood and helps us relieve stress and tension that can lead to anxiety. But also, the simple fact of engaging in physical activities or movement will create a cycle where as your body feels best, so will you emotionally respond.

In fact, simple changes like adding 30 minutes of physical activities 2 to 3 times per week can have a deep impact in your feelings of anxiety.

Speak To Somebody

Even though anxiety always have a root cause, this tends not to be an obvious thing. In many situations, it isn’t the things that we directly worry about that are causing the feelings of anxiety, but something underlying that is equally affecting us.

For many, anxiety has its roots in childhood issues and it’s hard to work through those on our own. In fact, it is important to manage anxiety adequately to consider speaking to a psychiatrist to help us and guide us and we find out exactly what is causing those problems in the first place.

Even though for many speaking to somebody about those deeper emotions and issues can feel overwhelming or scary, the reality isn’t like anything we see on TV shows. Trained psychiatrist, therapist and coaches create a safe environment for anyone to unpack their feelings in order to heal, and there is never pressure to talk about anything that a person might not feel comfortable with.

Self Care towards Unconditional Self-Worth

When you’re struggling with mental health issues, it can be easy to let things slip in your everyday life, crowded by the feelings of inequity and overwhelm. For many, basic things like showering or tidying the house up fall by the wayside and that ends up making them feel worse, triggering shame and even more feelings of fear and stress.

A good book and a cuppa always help me when the overwhelm of entrepreneurship, motherhood and life affect me!

A good book and a cuppa always help me when the overwhelm of entrepreneurship, motherhood and life affect me!

It is for this reason that Self-Care is key in recovering a full sense of Self-Worth, where you can show up fully and safely to life, allowing the emotions to come without them hijacking your human experience, something that is so important when we’re tackling mental health issues.

From pushing yourself to make an effort to get up and do practical things around the house, to booking time with a loved one or with a book, anything you commit to in order to nourish yourself will help you in your journey towards greatness and joy. It might not feel like much at the time but afterwards, you’ll feel better and, as you commit to investing in yourself consistently, this will help you face emotional challenges much more empowered.

To start this journey, you can create a simple schedule for yourself where errands, work and housekeeping is booked, but also Self-Care activities that will equally nourish you, this way you can stay on top of all of your needs.

Remember, whether you choose medication, therapy, meditation, movement or all of them, your journey will require only your commitment and action. So start today!

 

Empowered to Release Anxiety for Good

Life, parenting, work, deadlines… These days many of us are constantly battling with always-growing to do lists, trying to reach high standards and ending up experiencing acute stress and even anxiety. Perhaps, like me, you’re among those who end up spending countless hours searching for tools to lessen the symptoms and triggers, as well as reducing the causes, so that you can aim towards a happier life.

However, in an age where seeking information alone can be a major cause of overwhelmed, many times researching can leave us even more triggered and anxious that we were to begin with!

For this reason, I’ve decided to take  a good look through the most relevant health and well being blogging sites around to find you some sound advice on how to reduce anxiety and feel better, on your terms and as effortlessly as possible (we are all VERY busy, after all!).

The below tools are starting points to get you feeling, thinking and living better, tackling your symptoms holistically and shifting some of the issues that got you struggling to begin with. Hope this support you on your path, so you can rock life on your terms.

 
Before you lose control, use Self-Worth to bring you to power!

Before you lose control, use Self-Worth to bring you to power!

 

Anchor yourself on Self-Worth

When you’re feeling weighed down by anxiety and worry, it’s easy to believe you’ve failed in some way or aren’t worthy of help, even assuming that you aren’t even worthy of anything but anxiety and pain. These feelings are connected to a sense of conditioned self-worth, where you are constantly hustling for value and a sense of worthiness, therefore never truly thriving but merely surviving.

Because these feelings and messages are so embedded in your psyche, you believe them and, from that place of unworthiness, continue putting yourself down. Like I always tell my clients, when we see ourselves as broken, we make broken decisions.

To start shifting these self-beliefs, you can start to show yourself that you’re worthy by investing time and resources in getting the support you need through a doctor, counsellor or coach, so that you can get the tools you need, as well as process some of the causes of these emotions.

Another great option is investing in other tools that have been proven to help with anxiety, so you can feel nourished and empowered. A great product to try are weighted blankets, such as Hushblankets.com, which can help reduce your symptoms, for example. These commitments to your Self-Care will support you in establishing a better sense of Self-Worth.

Other great tools to start improving your sense of Self-Worth are making yourself at least one nourishing meal per day, blocking time to journal daily, clearing your schedule from activities or commitments that feel superfluous, or even committing to better sleep hygiene. It all ends nourishing you fully.

Fill your Mind with Presence

Many times, when we’re feeling anxious, the last thing we want to do is spend time thinking about what’s worrying us, specially when it’s impossible to even pinpoint the exact cause. This is when mindfulness exercises can come in handy.

Rather than trying to make yourself ‘feel better’ or ignore your emotions and feelings,  mindfulness encourages you to sit and recognise them, allowing them to exist, rather than fight them; always observing without judgement or fear, so that you can experience them fully in the moment.

Committing to developing a mindfulness practice, using tools, videos or even apps, can be a great way to both help you improve your sense of Self-Worth (it would feel very much like Self-Care after all!) as well as help your brain deal with stress and anxiety from a non-reactive perspective. Win-Win!

Be Honest about your Journey

For a lot of us, numbing with alcohol, junk food, online shopping, sweets or even drugs might be a tempting way to quiet down the feelings we are experience. This is a natural reaction we all have to avoid pain and discomfort. However, we all know that rather than helping, this kind of self-medication will only cause more harm than good and won’t do much to tackle the root causes of the problem. I often tell my clients that, whilst numbing is a survival mechanism that humans have wisely developed, unless we are mindful about how and when we numb, it can completely control our lives.

When we allow our experience to show in ways that are honest and authentic, sharing our struggles with people who can support us and empathise with us as we heal, we stop feeling ashamed of them and start to regain a fuller sense of ourselves and our value.

Also, opening up about our struggles and journeys can be precisely what those around us need to allow themselves to be honest about their owns, as well as help you create a support system that can help you as you recover.

Remember, an effective method to start your own path towards joy is to go back to basics by making sure you’re getting plenty of the good stuff, namely wholesome food, exercise and sleep, to feel nourished again. Getting these in place will be the first step on the road to recovery.

Anxiety can be crippling but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you’re experiencing it, in any form, then get along to a trustworthy practitioner and talk through what’s going on, so you can get the support you need to thrive again. Don’t let it rule your life, put yourself back in charge.